How to Turn Heartbreak and Disappointment into Your Greatest Opportunity for Healing
I recently heard from my girlfriend that she got stood up on Valentine’s Day. Ouch!
Holly has been so excited about meeting the love of her life, and recently met a wonderful guy. They set up a date… on V-day. So when I heard he called her and told her he had “food poisoning,” I imagined she would be a bit heartbroken.
Holly, however, is a warrior. She’s connected with her body and committed to loving and cherishing herself fully. Instead of moping for days or weeks that she once again is alone for Valentine’s Day, that she just got dumped, or that there are no good men out there…
She celebrated herself by feeling her pain (some old disappointments left over from her relationship with her dad) crying intensely for a few minutes, then moving on and enjoying the day.
When we spoke, instead of being disappointed that she hadn’t met the man of her dreams… she was exhilarated at the journey she’s had in meeting herself more fully.
So… How was your Valentine’s Day?!
If you’re about to launch into complaints or woes over not having the relationship you want, or not having a relationship at all…
I guarantee this is zapping your energy and making you sick.
In fact, the biggest question I’m asked about healing is: “If my body heals itself, WHY do I have chronic illness, low energy, weight gain? Why am I stuck in depression and pain, and not getting better?”
The biggest reason you don’t have the health you want?
Ask yourself: “Have I had a heartache or disappointment, romantic or otherwise, that I just haven’t fully gotten beyond?” (Hint: if you are still griping o your friend, angry about it, or complaining about what happened, you have NOT gotten beyond it!!)
How can you turn that disappointment or heartbreak into your GREATEST GIFT and use it to heal your body?
Here’s a 3-step process to transform these old emotions in your body and free yourself FOR GOOD!
1. Don’t get over it…go through it!
When we try to get over something, we avoid really facing the emotions in our experience. Instead of moving through it, we stay stuck in it, telling the same story over and over, and never leaving it behind for something new.
So tell your sob story… for the LAST TIME.
Say it out loud, write it down, or call your friend and tell the whole thing scene by scene. Tell your full story, BUT DON’T BELIEVE IT!
Don’t buy into one word. This is only the interpretation from your former self about what happened to you… and it’s not the absolute truth. You now have greater wisdom, insight and growth, so you can create a whole new interpretation of your experience –one that serves you!
So tell your story (thoroughly!) -but don’t believe it.
2. Honor your pain.
You cannot move beyond a problem before you’ve honored the experience in your body.
If you’re still feeling sorry for yourself, you haven’t fully experienced your pain. Yes, I know, you may be feeling anger over what happened every day… but you’re not really feeling the pain that underlies that anger. This is the emotion stuck in your body that’s holding you back from living your most fulfilling life, AND making you sick!
How do we move emotions in our body?
Start by thinking about your story and feel your body. Where in your body do you feel the story? What do you feel? Start physically. You may just feel a clinching in your jaw, an ache in your chest, or tightness in your stomach. Then go deeper and see if you can identify the emotion. Breathe as you enter into the feeling and let it come up. See if you can honor how your body feels about the story you’ve been telling and just love your body through this process.
3. Let it go.
Take 3 deep slow breaths to get into a relaxed state, and say: “I open now to something new.”
You owe it to your body to uproot those old emotions that have been living in your body and causing disease! Emotions are “Energy-In-Motion” and must move. Get “UNSTUCK” by doing this 3-step process to free yourself from your old story, and live the life you really want!!
Sending you all of my love,
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I have been following you since January, I love it great insight.
I have a question in your latest video.
Don’t get over it go thru it.
What do you mean by
So tell your story thoroughly but don’t believe it?
I don’t get this?..
Can you explain?
Hi Brenda! Im sorry about the delay in responding.
What it means is there is a difference between “Just get over it” where we end up pushing things under the rug instead of actually resolving them.
This leads to long-term disturbance. Chronic low-grade anxiety, weight gain, fatigue, and disease develops as a result.
What I’ve found works is going THROUGH your emotions: actually experiencing them, turning UP the volume on your anxiety, depression, and pain, instead off turning it down with medications or distraction.
I’m not saying to make yourself suffer or that there’s no place for medications or therapies, but there must be a component of meeting yourself more deeply that occurs before you can move beyond an experience.
There is often a gift in your pain or illness, and until it’s received (the experience GROWS you somehow,) you will continue to go through the same patterns again and again.
Kim, Your reply to Brenda was so good & very well explained. It makes all the sense in the world. My issue is that i still hold out hope that the day will come that my husband of 37 yrs will let me have the floor & let me express the pain he has caused me. Is this bad or good?